Email From: Luetta H……..@*********.com

To: Parker Jameson

 

Hello, We want to extend the sphere of our business activity, that’s why we proudly want to offer you a vacant position

 

“A” vacant position? So you have more than one? To whom are you offering the other positions? Parker Stevenson? Jameson Parker?

 

of International Administrative transportation manager

 

“International Administrative Transportation Manager.” Wow. That’s heady stuff. The only site I could find that made reference to that particular job title also included as an employment requirement, “One year of full-time specialized experience in the use of a wide range of qualitative and quantitative techniques for measuring effectiveness, efficiency, and productivity…” And, see, that’s where we might have a little problem. Because I don’t have one year’s full-time experience. In fact, I don’t have any experience at all in that field. In fact, I’m not even sure what that sentence means.

 

in our new international personalized logistics project.

 

I have another little problem here. I don’t know what “personalized logistics” means. Actually, I’m a little vague on the whole logistics thing.

We are searching for adult persons,

 

“Adult.” No problem. You got it.

 

self-motivated

 

I’m self-motivated out the wazoo.

 

with permanent US address.

 

How permanent? I mean, these are troubled economic times. What if I move to Gaping Jaws, Oklahoma, and then decide I’d be better off in Split Lip, South Dakota, or Moose Drool, Alaska. You see where I’m going with this? Maybe you better define what you mean by “permanent.”

 

Applicant must have computer notebook connected to the internet and printer.

 

No problem. I’m connected. Oh boy, am I connected.

The role of the International Administrative transportation manager is to plan, execute, and finalize projects according to committed timelines and within project/product cost targets.

 

Okay. Give me enough time and I’m sure I could figure out how to do all that. I think I’m pretty sure I could figure it out. I think.

This includes acquiring resources and coordinating his tasks in order to deliver projects according to plan.

 

That sentence is a little vague, Luetta. Does that mean I’m supposed to acquire resources and coordinate my tasks, or am I suppose to acquire someone whose name or title is “Resources” and coordinate his tasks?
The International Administrative transportation manager will also define the project’s objectives

 

No problem. I think I’ve already done that.

 

and oversee quality control of project deliverables throughout its life cycle – ensuring compliance to Company’s New Product Transportation Process.

 

Huh? You lost me there.

 

International Administrative transportation manager expected to participate in continuous improvement activities.

 

I am a firm believer in constant improvement.  

 

This includes constantly evaluating process and identifying improvements

 

Improvements! You bet.

 

to on-time performance and cycle time. The successful individual for this position will be a quick, clear and independent thinker who is naturally responsible,

 

I’m your man, Luetta!

 

is metrics and number savvy, has an analytical mindset

 

Oops. Number savvy? Metrics? Uh, I can count. I can even do basic supermarket math, but anything beyond that might be a problem. I mean, I sort of just make guesstimates when I balance my checkbook. Drives my wife and my accountant nuts.

 

and has ability to fulfill transportation tasks in time, to receive and proceed client’s purchases and orders via services with which we co-operate FEDEX, UPS, USPS.

 

You mean take things down to the local PostNet, right?

 

This person will need an ability to see the big picture

 

Hey, to quote Butch Cassidy: “I’ve got vision and the rest of the world wears bi-focals.”

 

and fulfill on grass root level to develop the overall net-work, after promotion.

 

Ooh! We’re talking promotion already? Wow.

 

Additionally, they are never satisfied with the status quo, can achieve success in following-up and getting things done and have the ability to thrive in a fast-paced, customer-centric and ever changing Customer Service environment. To receive any additional information feel free to contact me directly via email, by clicking reply.

 

Actually, I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m satisfied with the status quo.