I found a copy of Donna Tartt’s The Little Friend in my local bookstore and snapped it up. I’ve never read her first novel, The Secret History, that was so successful and critically acclaimed, but I have been an admirer of hers ever since I stumbled across an early short story called Tam-O’-Shanter in The New Yorker, while sitting in a doctor’s office many years ago. I was so impressed by the story that I stole the magazine, photo-copied the story, and sent it out to just about everyone I know who is capable of reading. That probably involves the breaking of multiple federal, state, and international copyright laws, but the story was worth it. It’s extraordinary. If I weren’t afraid of her lawyers showing up at my door with brass knuckles and cease-and-desist orders, I would post it here.
The Little Friend opens with a wonderful description of how family history morphs into family mythology, a theme that is repeated as the story progresses. I do much of my reading during bouts of insomnia, and last night, after I got so tired my eyes couldn’t decipher the hieroglyphics on the page any more, I drifted off into a memory of my own family mythology.
My father was in the Foreign Service, and during the years he was stationed in Europe my parents used to take my sister and me on long driving trips through different countries to historic cities, walled towns, glorious cathedrals, museums, and decaying medieval castles. (My parents had a genius for finding little-known out-of-the-way gems where one or the other of them would say wistfully, “Maybe if we drop a $10.00 bill on the doorstep they’ll sell the place to us,” and I would go off into fantasies of living in the Middle Ages.) On a civil servant’s salary there was very little money so we usually stayed jammed together in cheap little inns and picnicked by day regardless of the weather.
One spring we went to Austria where we spent a night in the medieval town of Kitzbühel, mercifully unscathed by two World Wars. It is a very posh ski resort in the winter, and an equally posh tourist destination in the summer, but during the awkward spring off-season prices are slashed and we were able to stay in a very elegant hotel where we were practically the only guests. The only other American was a woman we saw in the dining room but never spoke to.
As we were leaving, my father noticed a very fancy woman’s bicycle outside and he and I ambled over to look at it. It had a little plaque stating that it had been custom built for Mrs. Ruth Johnson of such and such an address in Grosse Point, Michigan. The lady in the dining room. As a former newspaperman, my father always carried a little notebook and pen and now, almost by force of habit, he made a note of the information.
We returned home from that jaunt to find one of those postcards everyone used to get back in the days before email and text messages, clearly written by someone who knew my parents well, and who was simply staying in touch in a cheery, chatty manner, but with an absolutely illegible signature at the bottom. I was aware of all this because—in their desperation—my parents enlisted both my sister and me in their efforts to figure out who the hell sent the damn thing.
This meaningless little incident set in motion a chain of events that culminated in a family mythology that endured—for me at least—almost half a century.
I forget now which one of them had the initial idea (they both had wicked senses of humor) but it was tailored along these lines: Most people’s lives are much too placid and mundane, so what might happen if you knew some things—personal, family things—about someone who didn’t know you at all? Just think how exciting you could make that person’s life!
And so began the great “un-rest cure,” for that was how my parents thought of it (taking their cue from the short story writer H. H. Munro). For the next three or four years Mr. and Mrs. Johnson of Grosse Point, Michigan were bombarded with cheery postcards and Christmas cards from all over the world, wishing them well, making references to things and people and places they knew—for my father did his homework—all of them signed with an absolutely unintelligible squiggle and no return address.
The first postcard, naturally enough, said something about how sorry they were to have missed Ruth in Kitzbühel, they hoped the snow that was still around hadn’t spoiled her bike trip, etc., etc. This was followed by a few more generic cards, and then my father started doing his research. It turned out that Mr. Johnson was a vice-president of the Ford Motor Company and had actually been in my father’s class at Harvard Law School, so references were made to class reunions, inquiries after their children, fervent hopes that they might get together, gradually evolving, over time, into plaintiff chiding that they never wrote back. And on and on.
My fiendish father even got friends of his who were traveling to exotic and disparate locations around the globe to carry cards with them and mail them locally from places like Conakry and Omsk and Cochabamba. (“Wish you could have joined us here…”) And every now and then, at the dinner table, one or the other of my parents would start the ball rolling with something like:
“Do you suppose they wake up in the night thinking, ‘Who is it? Where did I meet this person? What’s his name?’”
“Oh, maybe they’re divorced by now. The stress was just too great.”
“Or they could both be in Sheppard-Pratt, in adjoining padded cells, plucking at their lips and sticking straws in their hair.”
And off they’d go to compose yet another card.
This all ended abruptly one day when a card arrived in the mail, addressed to my father, and signed, clearly and legibly, “Ruth Johnson.” It wasn’t from her, of course. It was some friend of my father’s who had an equally wicked sense of humor, but Daddy, visions of his career ending in a shambles of headlines and lawsuits, called it off.
So, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson of Grosse Pointe, Michigan, if you, or more likely your children or grandchildren, should ever read this, have compassion and, I hope, a sense of humor. My parents were eccentric, imaginative people with a love of life and a sense of the absurd. There was no malice in either of them.
But remember, all this took place in Germany during the height of the Cold War. The pre-unification capitol of Bonn in the fifties and sixties was a hotbed of intrigue and spying and counter-spying and surveillance. German workers in the American community were regularly rounded up and deported to East Germany; apartments were scanned for bugs and if none were found it was just assumed they had been missed; phones were tapped, offices searched, and mail was read. There is a reason why so many of John le Carré’s novels are set in Germany. There is a reason why so many of them take place at least partially in Bonn.
One of the routine ways of passing confidential information was by encrypted letter or postcard, where a casual reference to a place or a date might be a reference to the passage of top-secret information, or a meeting, or an assassination. And here were my completely unworldly parents having a high old time mailing off frightfully casual cards, even having cards mailed from other countries, all of them with references to all kinds of places and dates and events that might or might not actually have occurred. You can imagine what the unimaginative, but highly suspicious, bureaucratic mind made of all this.
And you can also imagine what I made of it. I became so convinced that my father had, in fact, had something to do with the CIA that almost a half century later, egged on by my almost-as-gullible sister, I contacted the CIA using the Freedom of Information Act, and…
And was very disappointed to find out my father had nothing at all to do with covert operations. In my own defense, I must add that my conviction was not entirely unjustified. There really was an incident in the early fifties in Washington, DC, that involved my father, a Russian spy, Francis Gary Powers and his U2 spy plane, Allen Dulles, the FBI, wiretapping, and a dog, all of which actually happened, and all of which also entered the log of family history/mythology.


HOW….INCREDIBLY….CRUEL!!! Not that I have any room to talk, when, during my youth, my personal high risk teen-age behaviour included scaring the crap out of people by perpetrating Bigfoot(both tracks–with huge plywood feet; and bodily, with a very badly hand-stitched gorilla suit)–but I can claim as MY excuse, my adolescent brain had not yet fully developed a proper sense of guilt. And I would now NEVER consider doing what your parents did to an innocent, complete stranger. Now, someone I know and don’t like, what a SPLENDID idea! Thanks for the inspiration, J. P.!!!…..L.B.
JP thanks for sharing that part of your life with us! That brought a joyful tear to my eye. I vividly imagined you and your family in that little town. Don’t be totally disappointed that your dad wasn’t a CIA but it did give you a great imagination and memories. Simply beautiful. Perhaps your next book should be memoirs of your family growing up?
Tena French Halifax, NS Canada
You’ll be hearing from my lawyer any day now…..Sincerely, Ruth Johnson
Ouch! Somebody out there is almost as wicked as my parents…
My Dear Mr. Parker; I say old chap, the notion that your father was employed by the CIA being a myth is quite correct, but(ahem!), well, not EXACTLY too far off the mark, don’t you know! We REALLY must process–I mean INFORM you of certain delicate matters that ARE MOST DECIDELY NOT for public consumption on one of these “blogs”! Just not cricket, don’t you know! We shall be sending a rented Black Helicopter to pick you up at some totally random, inconvienant, and undesignated time(because, well, that’s just how we must operate, don’t you know!) for our “interview”. So sorry for any trouble, but well, weapons of mass destruction ARE involved(of course). Ta ta! And until we see you(unless you see us first); Yours Most Respectfully, The H. Theobald Oglethorpe Binswanger the 3rd; Director General of the British Secret Service(B. S. S.–sometimes just abbreviated to B. S., don’t you know!)…….
LMAO! Funny, “Ruth”! Better watch your back, JP!
I love reading blog posts like this, where the “older generation” talks about what happened during their childhood. At the risk of putting my size 7 foot in my size 5 mouth, listening to stories from back in the day is like getting to listen to living history. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
Please keep writing, JP! I promise to keep reading!
Love,
~ Ciana
This prank reminds me somewhat of THE MANY similar type pranks we as kids used to pull on the telephone(on cold, rainy days when playing outside was not ideal, which we most assuredley would be doing otherwise)). Something the poor, deprived kids nowadays(with that damn “Caller I. D.” spoilsport!) will never get to experience, alas. Goodbye running refrigerators, Prince Albert In A Can, and electrocuting the powerline repairmen! …. A favorite tactic of my evil circle of pals was reserved only for particularly despised individuals that we knew personally–we’d call, at all hours(ESPECIALLY the wee hours of the morning!), using all manner of voices, personalities, and stages of anger and exasperation, asking for a certain “Mr. Smitty”, who owed us a LOT of money! This was kept up usually for about two weeks or so–never failed to have the person being called absolutely apoplectic! Then at the end of the designated period, one of us would make the final call and say, “Hello! This is Smitty! Any calls for me the past couple of weeks?” Which, of course, let said victim know that they had been duped and tormented purposefully the whole time! Guaranteed to ENRAGE!….L. B.
Lorsque vous parlez de vos parents, ça me fait penser au miens qui emmenaient mon grand frère et moi en vacances dans des endroits parfois insolites. Pour nous, c’était souvent l’Espagne. Mais mon père avait très certainement moins d’imagination que le vôtre car il ne nous a jamais fait croire qu’il faisait partie de la CIA, du KGB ou des services secrets français…….
Mais, lorsque j’étais petite, je faisais croire à mes amis qu’il y avait un passage secret dans ma chambre…….. je leur disais que parfois le yéti passait par là, parfois c’était un fantôme………. J’arrivais à faire peur à mes amis et lorsque je me retrouvais seule, j’étais aussi trop effrayée et je n’osais plus aller dormir……..
Les années ont passé, je ne suis plus petite, je suis une grand’mère et le passage secret n’existe plus………. Mais peut-être qu’en allant me coucher ce soir, je vais regarder sous mon lit………:)
Anita (France)
My father died a year ago today,after 7 long years of illness. The last days I was sad and thoughtful.Your look back at your family mythology came at the right time.For a moment, your story has distracted me from my thoughts and made me smile.Thank you for that.
Manuela
Bon courage Manuela. Ma maman est morte aussi cette année et c’est très difficile de surmonter de telles épreuves.
Et merci à Monsieur PARKER qui nous permet de nous remémorer des moments lointains mais tellement importants dans nos vies respectives et en plus arrive à nous faire sourire…….et ceci dans différents pays…….
Anita
This to that idiotic nuisance Oglethorpe–Are you MAD, man? How DARE you use a public, common blog to send such a message!!!! To the readers, there ARE NO BLACK HELICOPTERS, and we certainly NEVER rent them out! To Mr. Parker–we WILL be contacting you about this subject(might as well say it here now, thanks to that IMBECILE Theobold!)….Sincerely Deputy Director Smith, CIA, U. S. A.
Manuela I’m sorry for your loss! I hope that you remember your dad with warm thoughts. In our family we remember funny stuff they said and even on occasion have a family dinner in honor of those who passed. It might sounds strange but it helps to remember the good times and heal the heart.
Tena French Halifax, NS Canada
Idiotic nuisance? Imbecile? Why you perfidious provincial GIT! EVERYONE already KNOWS there are black helicopters! And if you charged even just a couple more renters what you charged us, “Mr Smith”, your bloody American economy should be QUITE stabilized by now!….T. O. B. the 3rd.
All I know is I got NOTHING out of that deal, and you people have NO IDEA the frustration and difficulties trying to decipher the codes of all those incrypted messages caused me! Therapy and mental institutions ARE NOT for free! I DEMAND COMPENSATION!….Ruth Johnson
My dear Ruth, HAD you made the correct contacts involving the mission of which we are referring to, none of this would have happened. You were INFORMED that your former contact, Ivan Ivanovitch, had been caught “indelecto” with Kruschev’s little sister, and was likely somewhere helping to colonize outer Siberia, so you SHOULD have been able to adapt to the new circumstances and act independently. Because you failed miserably is WHY you were not compensated! And, Mr. Parker, please ignore Ms. Johnson’s bluff about the lawyer–she’s never been paid enough to AFFORD a lawyer!…T. O. B. the 3rd.
The comments were ALMOST as delightful as the blog post itself! I love a good, harmless prank.
G